


Bruising

by qaolu



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Holidays, M/M, Minor Violence, One Shot, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:54:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21911056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qaolu/pseuds/qaolu
Summary: Buck has a nightmare, but Eddie is his dream.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 2
Kudos: 216





	Bruising

**Author's Note:**

> A post-canon fic that explores angst and then ventures into some Christmas/New Year's fluff territory.

When Buck falls for Eddie, it's curled around a wound, gaping at the edges. He's clenching, holding back tears, feeling the insides move.

“You okay?”

His eyes shine, glimmers of hope.

The hurt doesn't hurt anymore, Buck thinks. The absence is gone.

“Just fine,” He returns, biting back something sharp.

Evan doesn't fall easily; it's usually hard onto a flat surface where no one lends a hand to get back up again. The loss of a familial damage dealt to an early child sinks a tooth in, scraggly and loose, right on the firm outside skin.

“Christopher adores you,” Eddie muses, “Can't say I blame him.”

That's why it hurts when he dreams of Eddie punching him across the face, knuckles bloody. He wakes up in a sweat, feeling for the comfort of his phone to check the time. Too early.

“What's up?” Maddie answers with no hesitation, “Can't sleep?”

“Bad dream,” Buck rubs his temples, slipping the sheets off the bed, “Don’t know why.”

“What was it about?” Maddie smacks her lip audibly, the sound of drapes being moved in the background.

“The usual...” Buck drifts off.

“Shit,” Maddie sighs, “Thinking about mom and dad again?”

“Yeah,” the other draws in a deep breath. Evan and Maddie did not hit the lottery when it came to parenting. Their father was volatile, angry and insensitive; their mother was a mere husk of a woman constantly picking up the pieces left behind. It was no surprise Maddie followed in her mother’s footsteps, lost to the ongoing pattern of abuse before the events culminated in death. They survived on each other, little brother getting the brunt of the pain while Maddie shielded the mother’s emotions from exposing like rotten flesh. None of them really talked anymore. Well, the three of them. Along the way, their mother got cancer, body brittle from the chemotherapy. It was the only reason their father held back his fists. She would have instantly broken, and no one could take her place. Except Buck.

Maddie was already whisked away by Doug, cut off from the home situation. Buck sat at home, holding his mom’s hands, feeling the way her skin started to lose color. They barely spoke of it, instead focusing on the trips outside.

Once Evan got his license he would take his mother out to the botanical garden, where she glanced at the flowers with a lifetime of wonder. Buck brought her fresh ones after school from the local florist. His dad broke the vase and crushed the stems under his foot, then smacked Buck across the face. No matter what, there would still be a new vase, now plastic, with fresh flowers on the bedside table.

Relatives never told them anything. For all they know, their alcoholic father could have drank himself to death years ago. As soon as Buck lost his mother senior year, he thrust himself into a future of helping others. Getting the power back. When he would be home, he focused on getting stronger. As soon as he hit eighteen, he enrolled in the academy. His arms were toned, muscled. The brittle efforts of his father didn't hold a candle to the youth of Evan Buckley. The loss of their mom sucked what little soul the man out.

Despite their relationship, Buck thought about him from time to time, and their battles appeared in his bad dreams. Foggy images of a young Buck, insecure and scared, wanting to help his family

“Buck?” Maddie’s voice shook him from thought, “You know you were the best little brother I could've asked for, right? And I wasn't the best older sister. But dad can't hurt you anymore...” she sighed, “and Doug can't hurt me.”

“Yeah, but dad isn't dead,” Buck shifted weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

“Sure feels like he is,” Maddie shrugged, the sound of fabric ruffling coming through the phone, “Have you ever told Eddie about this?”

“No,” Buck repositions on the chair, looking out the window, “We tell each other whatever. I just don't really know how to bring it up...it's been hard this past year. Last thing I need to do is go, hey Eddie, remember when your wife died and then you were fighting for money and then we started dating? Well here’s some more beginning-of-the-year trauma for you.”

“Okay, newsflash,” Maddie sharpens, “You guys have been fostering this love for a long time coming. You've already been emotional with each other and damn, if anyone can help you, it's him,” she takes a breath, ‘I will always listen to you, Evan. You're my family. We lived through that together and I'm proud of us. But don't you think it's time you let someone else know? You've never told Bobby or anyone, right?”

Buck realizes, then, “No...and Bobby is like a father to me. He's special. I guess he gets it, no questions asked. But Eddie should definitely know. Especially if I can't sleep when I'm over his place,” he leans back, “Thanks, Maddie.”

“No problem, Buck,” she said softly, “Uh, is there any reason you're not sleeping over his house right now? You guys have been pretty inseparable.”

“Well, I still have my own apartment,” Buck huffs, “With rent due. Least I could do is spend a couple nights a week here.”

“You guys are cute,” Maddie says knowingly, “Oh, hey. Chim is up. I'm gonna head back to bed, you okay?” she makes sure before she ends the conversation.

“Much better, Mads,” Buck smiles, “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Maddie hushes a goodbye, “You always stuck up for mom. Now stick up for yourself and let your guard down a little.”

“Sounds like you've been going to therapy too much,” Buck teases, and she laughs before hanging up.

He goes back to lie down, eyes half awake. Christmas had been pleasant. New year’s was fun. January, when all of the holiday business subsided, was just time for them. Buck had given Eddie and Christopher a huge christmas present when he realized that this was more than love for a best friend and his kid. It was the love of a family, to be one unit in blissful harmony. When he realized that, it was blinding, like beams of light that blocked his vision. He doesn't like you like that, dumbass. Can't you just be friends with someone and stop trying to fuck everyone? You're way past that now. But it was far from just a physical attraction.

Of course, he wouldn't have minded knowing Eddie on the basis of more contact, intimately touching skin to skin in a hot white ray of realization. It was wholesome; it was truly, undoubtedly, a blossoming kind of love that peeked its way through the windows, cutting through the splinters of wooden doors in its glow.

He pricked himself on the thought, bleeding from the wound.

“You're clearly not fine,” Eddie challenged, warm hand on Buck’s shoulder, “Hey, hey. Look at me.”

So he did, and found love back.

They were in the living room, Christopher sound asleep. The kid had been thrilled by the new toy buck bought, and Eddie thanked him for the punching bag he installed in the garage while no one was looking. Plus, a new cologne. And socks. You know, the usual guy presents.

“You’re saying I smell and I need an outlet?” Eddie had joked.

“Only if that’s what you wanna take it as,” Buck wiped at his eyes, “Man, I’m sorry. I guess I feel weird being here the day after Christmas.”

“No, you're fine, dude,” Eddie comforted, albeit confused at the change of tone, “We worked hard, had that huge celebration you wonderfully put together, abuela put Chris to sleep and now we're here. I invited you over. Confuses me a little that you didn't want to drop in on Maddie as soon as you were free, but I should be glad you chose me,” he tried to lighten the mood, “It feels like today should be Christmas. We worked then and had the whole thing.”

“Yeah,” Buck wandered, his eyes searching for something to focus on, “Maddie and Chim can be kinda gross. Besides, I really like being here with you and Christopher.”

“I know,” Eddie smirks, “That kid thinks the world of you.”

Wait till he finds out what i think of his dad, Buck bites his lip.

“Eddie, I...”

“Yes?

“Does my present mean you’re constantly afraid I’m gonna puncture myself?” He looked down at the shirt on the floor that said in big block letters, I’m on blood thinners.

They laughed, then connected on the next breath. Christmas...fine. The day after? One thing led to another, imaginary mistletoe above their heads. New Year’s was wonderful, especially when they made Christopher believe it was midnight as the three drank Shirley Temple’s. At the actual time it changed, lips met. It was two hours before their shift started, but neither cared. People would be engaging in drunken shenanigans all night, except Buck and Eddie were completely sober. Everything felt right.

Until the day he has the nightmare.

It’s three in the morning when he calls.

Buck’s phone rings a couple of times, his heart rate fluctuating. The line clicks, and a groggy Eddie answers.

‘Mhm? Buck?” he mumbles, “Everything okay?”

“Uh...can I come over?” Buck taps a finger on the window pane, “I know it’s early. I just don’t want to sleep alone tonight.”

“Tonight only has a few more hours, but sure,” Eddie lets out a tired chuckle, “Just be careful you don’t wake Christopher up. I’ll try to not be comatose on the couch when you get here.”

The drive feels distant, a wandering realm of sleepy people and mostly empty cars. Music plays but barely reaches his ears, the space occupied instead by Buck’s subtle hum. It feels more safe knowing his destination will be warm and comforting. Fear lurks in the cracked side mirror, a creeping realization that things may be different than what he expects from Eddie. What if he doesn’t want Christopher around someone with such a warped view of fatherhood? Surely, no one wishes that to be replicated. Nonetheless, the anxiety finds itself manifesting on the dark roads.

A familiar house beckons his worries, illuminating the outside with a gentle radiance from the living room. Buck kills the engine, letting out a sigh. He’s that kind of boyfriend, he thinks as his hands reach for to knock. Before that can even be done, though, Eddie is opening the door.

“Buck,” his face softens, “Come inside. Please.”

“Eddie...” Buck draws, following the other into the home that has been feeling more like his than the rental bearing his name, “Can we uh, lay down?”

“‘Course,” Eddie, takes his hands, smiling gently.

They get into their familiar position on the bed, Buck’s back against Eddie’s chest. The older has arms around him, nose settling into the hair atop his head, breathing in Buck’s scent as he waits for him to speak. He smiles a little into the strands comfortingly, and Buck shivers.

“What’s wrong?” Eddie starts to play with the tresses, humming, “Talk to me.”

“Well..” Buck begins, eyes closing, “You know I think you’re a great dad.”

“Uh huh,” Eddie offers, voice tilting upwards in pitch.

“I guess all the holidays and stuff has reminded me that...I didn’t really have one at all. I don’t really talk about it, but I guess you could kinda tell. I know you have abuela, and Christopher, and you guys are wonderful for him. I really only had Maddie and I,” he bites his lip, “My dad used to hit us. Like, all the time.”

“Hey,” Eddie tightens, stopping his fingers from their dance in Buck’s hair, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay,” Buck continues, “You can guess that’s why I look up to Bobby so much. And you, too. My dad would literally beat my mom until she died from cancer, and then took to me. Maddie didn’t stand a chance.”

The silence paused, stinging for a moment.

“But you both survived,” Eddie turned the other around, sharing a gaze, “You are such a fantastic father figure to Christopher, Buck. He has two dads that love him, and would never lay a finger on him. We may have only been dating a short while, but he knows you’ve been that strong for him for a long time.”

Tears prick Buck’s eyes, stinging. The wound is gone. Someone has seared the injury shut, saved the body from further damage, and kissed the stitches good night. He places a kiss on Eddie’s lips, then pulls back to stare at the man before him.

“Thanks,” he sniffles.

“You know you can always tell me anything, and you’re welcome here every night. No questions asked. But if you need to come over again, just to be together, never hesitate. I love you, Evan.” His heart flutters, recovering its rhythm from earlier. “Is your dad...?” he trailed.

“Unfortunately,” Buck’s mouth formed a straight line, “My mom passed kinda quickly from a late stage four diagnosis. We haven’t talked since I left to join the academy and could hold my own against him. At the end of everything, he was a coward. Once he saw my strength, he knew he couldn’t even scream anymore.”

“He had no power over you,” Eddie finished for him, “But he never did. You and your family were so, so strong. Evan, no one will ever lay a hand on you again. If they do, I’ll-” his face turns to steel, hardened by the possibility, “I’ll make sure that my time in the ring didn’t go to waste.”

Buck laughs at that, getting a bit snotty from the conversation, “You’re cute.”

“You’re cuter,” the man in front of him beams, his cheeks wet too, “Now promise me you’ll stay till here Valentine’s Day.”

“No promises here, the bachelor’s pad calls,” Evan reaches forward, pressing his forehead to Eddie’s. Their noses rub together, the blows glancing, “You know I’m kidding. I want to love you for every season, holiday and year to come.”

“Good, now sleep,” Eddie wraps the blanket around them, “I want you to feel safe.”

He does, and the strong arms binding his frame are oh so heavenly, a constant reminder of the sanctity which comes from personally building one’s idea of home. Trauma may be in the past, haunting memories with ghostly ambition, but love is in the future. Buck never wants Eddie to let go. There’s a hand waiting for him when he falls this time, as the other slips away to sleep.

His bruise is finally starting to heal, the blue tinged skies fading from tender care.


End file.
